You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
