so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
