I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
