the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
