Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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