I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
