I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
