I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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