So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
