I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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