I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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