I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
