Im at strip club and am horny
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we made out on top of his cat.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
