he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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