new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
