Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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