I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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