I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
