this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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