I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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