I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize