I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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