how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
