so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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