AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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