We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
