I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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