I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
