i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
