I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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