I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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