guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
