Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
