I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
