I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
