Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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