I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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