she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
