Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
