Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
