i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
