i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
