bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
