She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
