Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
