I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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