I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We smell like vodka and hangover
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