On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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