areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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