You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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