Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
