talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
