I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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