would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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