My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
