bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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