my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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