I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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