Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
