Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
