Just fell off a train. Bad.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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