Will you blow on my dice?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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