fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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