pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
