Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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